Cap'n Crunch [10 Jan 2002|09:09pm] [ mood | contemplative ] [ music | Megadeth - Holy Wars ] Cap?n Crunch Cap?n Crunch, the man, the myth, the legend. There are few people on this Earth who can say that they are of such a noble and virtuous stature as the Cap?n. Under the conditions of his life, I personally feel that no one can over come what the Cap?n did. It is through his accomplishments, and hardships, that he became the man he is. Cap?n Crunch was born a crackbaby unto prostitute Heather Maivia. Young Cap?n Crunch, birthname Frankie Maivia, was raised in a Chicago ghetto. Frankie?s father is unknown, but that is a given considering his mother?s profession. However, Heather Maivia believes that he was fathered by a diplomat from Spain. As a result of his mother?s Hispanic background, and his father?s probable Spanish background, he received the nickname Spic & Span at a tender age. (EDITOR?S NOTE: Cap?n Crunch is indeed the founder of a number of cleaning agents, all generating from his nickname). From a young age, Cap?n Crunch was taught of the hardships of the streets. Being raised in Chicago, Cap?n Crunch was subjected to various crime syndicates. After being bored while mother Heather moon-lighted, Frankie headed out to make a living for himself. After running errands for undisclosed businessmen, he finally received a break. Al Capone, an uprising gangster at the time, needed a few good men to do some dirty work. Frankie was called upon for the job. Frankie was known for being unforgiving, going as far as to beat an elderly lady to death with a pair of socks. Granted, it took several hours, but he got a point across. It was through his line of work that Frankie Maivia, formally known as Spic & Span, received his new nickname; Cap?n Crunch. However, Cap?n wanted to get out of Chi-town, after the notorious St. Valentine?s Day Massacre. Residing in Cuba, Cap?n Crunch found that he had a knack for casual sailing. However, his sailing skills gained in Cuba would not of the greatest he eventually brought back to the U.S. In 1958, Cap?n Crunch met Juanita Yotito Frandelzo Lopez, or Sally for short. After meeting her, he had sex with her in a toolshed holding marijuana. By Cuban law, that instantaneously married them. But one day, Cap?n reportedly heard Fidel Castro say, ?Fuck those ass-hole licking butt pirates of Capitalistic-pig shit-hucking dog-fart-squirt-lickers.? Cap?n knew then that it was time to go back to the U.S.A. After settling back into a suburb of Chicago, all was well. But not for long. In their small home, tragedy struck. A freak accident involving a jar of peanut butter, some graham crackers, a bottle of Kahlua, and an 18 inch vibrating dildowith four speed channels claimed young Sally?s life. Devasted by the loss of his beloved, Cap?n drank himself into a depression. He had hit an all-time low. With the help of help of a little friend called ?Binge drinking?, Cap?n managed to schedule his hectic drinking schedule all into the weekend. However, he was out of work. Sneaking into a cereal factory, he managed to present his ideas to executives. He presented them with an idea for a cereal diriving from both his nickname, and his love for Cuban sailing. The executive immediately took kindly to the idea, and Cap?n Crunch Cereal was born. Although nobody knows for sure, there are several speculations to what is in the cereal. ?I can?t tell you that,? says the Cap?n, ?it?d be like Heather from ideepthroat.com telling you how she swallows all that cock. The mystery is half the fun!? However, there are rumors that the cereal is an homage to his beloved Sally. And as an homage, it is made out of a jar of peanut butter, some graham crackers, a bottle of Kahlua, and an 18 inch vibrating dildo with four speed channels. From rags to riches, Frankie ?Spic & Span? ?Cap?n Crunch? Maivia has seen it all. He has lived, and continues to live, and prosperous life, full of happiness and success. Through the devastations, he has only become stronger. God bless Cap?n Crunch. post comment

Wow, I am a Dork [09 Jan 2002|08:04pm] [ mood | nerdy ] [ music | Dream Theater - Misunderstood ] WhiplashXZ: Han Solo can so be considered a pirate. ZildjianX81: no he cant WhipLashXZ: Yes he can! ZildjianX81: no WhipLashXZ: Dude, look at the facts! ZildjianX81: he wouldnt kill to steal from innocent people WhipLashXZ: ....Yes he would!@ ZildjianX81: no he wouldnt WhipLashXZ: Dude, Han Solo was a ruthless son of a bitch, just looking for some Credits ZildjianX81: i dont agree ZildjianX81: burke agrees with you now, right?. WhipLashXZ: Yup ZildjianX81: damn it WhipLashXZ: He hated the force, called Kenobi old, hated Luke, shot Greedo, dude, he was bad ass. ZildjianX81: well taylor agrees with me WhipLashXZ: Taylor...Taylor doesn't count ZildjianX81: maybe, but i dont think he would kill people just for money ZildjianX81: he counsss ZildjianX81: counts WhipLashXZ: Dude...He would definitly rob people, and commandeer their ships ZildjianX81: i just cant seee him doing that WhipLashXZ: Dude...you've probably dilluted your mind with the Han Solo of late Empire, early Return of the Jedi WhipLashXZ: The good Han ZildjianX81: possibly, but im not sure he owuld ever do that WhipLashXZ: Go to early ANH, before he joined the Alliance, he was an asshole. ZildjianX81: maybe we will see in episode III the truth WhipLashXZ: ... WhipLashXZ: That's the fuckin stupidest thing I've ever heard, no offense. WhipLashXZ: ;-) ZildjianX81: he might be in it WhipLashXZ: Dude, Episode III: Rise of the Empire (title tentative) will be like 18 years before ANH. ZildjianX81: true ZildjianX81: well that was one of taylors points WhipLashXZ: Dude, what did I say earlier? WhipLashXZ: Taylor doesn't count. ZildjianX81: hmmm WhipLashXZ: Anyways, he only wanted to save Leia cause Luke convinced him it'd make him rich, and he could pay off Jabba. Had money not been an issue, you would have been out of there. ZildjianX81: yes, but i have other reasons WhipLashXZ: It wasn't until he was flying away, that his conscience finally kicked in, and made him help the Rebels. WhipLashXZ: That's why he was so late. ZildjianX81: he saved chewie from enslavement WhipLashXZ: Says the books, fuck that shit. WhipLashXZ: Book continuity means absolutely nothing to me. WhipLashXZ: Dude, I have you beat on this. Your only point, is that you couldn't see him doing it. ZildjianX81: i will find a way WhipLashXZ: Yeah, and I couldn't see Gilligan getting a blowjob, but it happened. WhipLashXZ: Albeit, for 8 seconds, but it did happen. WhipLashXZ: lol ZildjianX81: lol WhipLashXZ: Dude, you have nothing. ZildjianX81: wouldnt he also be wanted for piracy, but no police officials are after him, only jabba for money WhipLashXZ: Dude...Not necessarily, because he may not have been caught. WhipLashXZ: However, he did tell Kenobi he didn't want to run into any Imperials either. ZildjianX81: does anyone? WhipLashXZ: AND he said he'd outrun the Corellian Imperial Starfighters...why would they chase him if he wasn't wanted for something. ZildjianX81: and they might be after him for his illegal parts of the millenium falcon WhipLashXZ: Dude...you don't have to be in trouble with the law, or be wanted to be doing illegal shit. WhipLashXZ: Illegal parts of the Falcon? ZildjianX81: yeah WhipLashXZ: Who the fuck said that? ZildjianX81: the engine ZildjianX81: im the game WhipLashXZ: Starwars: Guide to Vehicles? WhipLashXZ: Oh...the game... WhipLashXZ: Yeah, I'm pretty sure games don't count in movie continuity. WhipLashXZ: Dude...just admit it, Solo could have been a pirate, or can at least be looked upon as one. ZildjianX81: i dont think he would have been WhipLashXZ: Dude...don't think, and actuality are different. ZildjianX81: i know WhipLashXZ: I reference you to my previous comments. WhipLashXZ: (About Gilligan) ZildjianX81: but there may be a way to prove it WhipLashXZ: Dude. You prove it, and I'll listen. WhipLashXZ: Until then, he was up there with Black Beard and Long Schlong Silver. ZildjianX81: lol 1 comment|post comment

The Unkle Chronicles [09 Jan 2002|06:06pm] "The Unkle Chronicles" Leonardo di Vinci Sunday, 8/19/01, 1:07 AM Ok,well, there was this time that I was with my Unkle Joey. And I said to him, I said "Unkle Joey, why can't I tell my mom that we hang out, and you have to sneak over to sleep over? And every time you sneak over you ALWAYS forget your sleeping bag?" Well, after I said that, he ran right out of my house. I later found out that his name was not Joey...And he was not, in fact, my Unkle...He sure was a strange guy. From: Yes. __________________________________________________________________________________ Leonardo di Vinci Thursday, 7/19/01, 4:37 PM Ok, so one time unkle Joey and I ate a banana pie...only there was acid in it. So while we were choking to death on our own blood, we turn on the television. And what do we see? Why, we see a warning, stating that the Banana Pie Company and Acid Company had a mix up at the plant. So the moral of the story is, don't give homeless people your change; they'll just spend it on booze. From: Yes. __________________________________________________________________________________ First Name : Unkle Joey Site : littleboysinsleepingbags.org/net Phone Number : 1-800-555-HARDCORE E-mail : JoeyHotAss69Butt-Rammer@yahoo.com Comment : Yeah, one time, I was like, "Frankie, why do you keep eating that shit?" And ya know what he says? He says, "Joey, Cheeriobars are the schnizitle-bam-poW!" So I slapped him in the pee-hole, and called it a day. post comment

Sorry [29 Nov 2001|08:21pm] [ mood | restless ] [ music | Self - So Low ] Oh yeah, I just want to say sorry for fucking up my journal thus far. I know that there have been multiple entries of the same shit. Sorry, I'm retarded. post comment

Here Goes... [29 Nov 2001|08:17pm] [ mood | restless ] [ music | Megadeth - Trust ] Well, it's Thursday nite...In one week, I'll be playing the illustrious MHS Battle of the Bands with Parabola Sound. See, Parabola Sound's drummer broke his fingers. In a tight bind, they needed another drummer to fill in for him. That's where I come in. See, ever since I did a drum solo at my sixth grade talent show, all these bands have offered me spots. Most of them, I turned down. But for some reason or another, I just couldn't say no. See, the thing is, it's almost all originals. So I'm gonna have to make up like 5 or 6 drum beats. Well, I figure what the hell, it'll be one more show under my belt. I'm out for now. post comment

How It Is [26 Nov 2001|08:02pm] [ mood | indifferent ] [ music | Faith No More - Cuckoo For Caca ] Ok, it's almost eight o'clock and I have yet to begin my massive amount of homework. "Why?" you may inquire. Well, I simply don't mind staying up late as hell to do homework. Today already sucks a vulumpuous wang, though. I talked to a friend of mine about my ex-girlfriend, he started a holy war against her. I really do care for her, and his attacking isn't really helping the situation. He told her something that I supposedly I said, and I didn't. Now, it shouldn't be as big of a deal as it is, but she took quite a bit of offense to it. Sometimes, I don't know why life's even worth trying for. Other than that, though, I've had a pretty good outlook in life. However, it's quite weird. On the one hand, I'm trying to have fun with life, and basically live in the moment and such. On the other, I really want to start doing well in school again. I've discovered that these two outlooks of life cannot co-exist (at least for me). Sooner or later, I'm going to have to choose one or the other...I dread that day. It's November 26, and already the holiday season is upon us. People, don't get caught up in all the holiday bullshit...Take a moment to tell the ones you care about that you care, and the ones you love that you love. I'm out for now. post comment

[26 Nov 2001|07:45pm] [ mood | quixotic ] [ music | Blink182 - Anthem Part 2 ] Ok, it's almost eight o'clock and I have yet to begin my massive amount of homework. "Why?" you may inquire. Well, I simply don't mind staying up late as hell to do homework. Today already sucks a vulumpuous wang, though. I talked to a friend of mine about my ex-girlfriend, he started a holy war against her. I really do care for her, and his attacking isn't really helping the situation. He told her something that I supposedly I said, and I didn't. Now, it shouldn't be as big of a deal as it is, but she took quite a bit of offense to it. Sometimes, I don't know why life's even worth trying for. Other than that, though, I've had a pretty good outlook in life. However, it's quite weird. On the one hand, I'm trying to have fun with life, and basically live in the moment and such. On the other, I really want to start doing well in school again. I've discovered that these two outlooks of life cannot co-exist (at least for me). Sooner or later, I'm going to have to choose one or the other...I dread that day. It's November 26, and already the holiday season is upon us. People, don't get caught up in all the holiday bullshit...Take a moment to tell the ones you care about that you care, and the ones you love that you love. I'm out for now. post comment

First Update in Awhile [25 Nov 2001|11:51pm] [ mood | weird ] [ music | Incubus - New Skin ] Well, I have updated this son-of-a bitch in awhile, so I found it fitting to do so. Alright, well, I guess I'll just give an update: For the past year and a half, I was deeply infatuated with this one girl. She was the real pearl of my eye, or some corny metaphor to that extent. So all this time, I would do anything for her. We're pretty good friends, and it's cool. But time and time again, she breaks my heart. She leads me on like I'm the only one for her, but then she does something to prove that wrong. Move late October, much to my surprise, she asks me out. Of course, I say yes. But going out with her wasn't as good as I thought it would be. There's all this shitty confusion, and miscommunication and shit, so somehow we end up breakin up. Anyways, today she asked me back out, and I said "No". I knew that if I went back out with her, history would be repeated and I would be heartbroken. So, today is basically the first page in a new chapter of my life. Anyways, on to other stuff. Christmas is one month away today. I used to love the holiday season, but in recent years I've grown weary of it. Maybe it's because I'm getting older, or maybe I just look at the world differenty. But the magic that the holidays once possessed are all but non-existent. With every passing year, Christmas seems like more of "Just another day". I'm not saying it's losing its religious meaning (I'm not religious at all)- that's been gone for awhile. I just think the auora once held by Christmas is gone. Another part of Christmas I dread is composing my "Wish List". Don't get me wrong, I love presents just as much as the next guy. But I always seem to have trouble thinking of what to ask for. I will sit there, for an hour, just pondering the possiblities of different gifts. But somehow, none of them will seem fitting. Well, I'm out of here for now...peace. post comment

First Update in Awhile [25 Nov 2001|11:40pm] [ mood | weird ] [ music | Incubus - New Skin ] Well, I have updated this son-of-a bitch in awhile, so I found it fitting to do so. Alright, well, I guess I'll just give an update: For the past year and a half, I was deeply infatuated with this one girl. She was the real pearl of my eye, or some corny metaphor to that extent. So all this time, I would do anything for her. We're pretty good friends, and it's cool. But time and time again, she breaks my heart. She leads me on like I'm the only one for her, but then she does something to prove that wrong. Move late October, much to my surprise, she asks me out. Of course, I say yes. But going out with her wasn't as good as I thought it would be. There's all this shitty confusion, and miscommunication and shit, so somehow we end up breakin up. Anyways, today she asked me back out, and I said "No". I knew that if I went back out with her, history would be repeated and I would be heartbroken. So, today is basically the first page in a new chapter of my life. Anyways, on to other stuff. Christmas is one month away today. I used to love the holiday season, but in recent years I've grown weary of it. Maybe it's because I'm getting older, or maybe I just look at the world differenty. But the magic that the holidays once possessed are all but non-existent. With every passing year, Christmas seems like more of "Just another day". I'm not saying it's losing its religious meaning (I'm not religious at all)- that's been gone for awhile. I just think the auora once held by Christmas is gone. Another part of Christmas I dread is composing my "Wish List". Don't get me wrong, I love presents just as much as the next guy. But I always seem to have trouble thinking of what to ask for. I will sit there, for an hour, just pondering the possiblities of different gifts. But somehow, none of them will seem fitting. Well, I'm out of here for now. post comment

MY Day [16 Aug 2001|02:01am] [ mood | thirsty ] [ music | U2 - Pride ] Lately I've been going to bed much later...Around the 3AM-5AM area. When I wake up, it's about 2PM, and everyone's giving me shit about sleeping in late. My mom tried to tell me that I slept to much, and infact proved to her that she slept more hours than I. I don't think it really matters when you wake up...The real situation is how long you sleep. post comment

MY Day [16 Aug 2001|01:57am] [ mood | thirsty ] [ music | U2 - Pride ] Lately I've been going to bed much later...Around the 3AM-5AM area. When I wake up, it's about 2PM, and everyone's giving me shit about sleeping in late. My mom tried to tell me that I slept to much, and infact proved to her that she slept more hours than I. I don't think it really matters when you wake up...The real situation is how long you sleep. post comment

Ladies and Gentleman... [16 Aug 2001|12:02am] [ mood | sleepy ] [ music | Liquid Tension Experiment - Paradigm Shift ] Welcome to the least mesmerizing, awe inspiring, titilizing journal in the history of the internet journal community. Well, maybe. Since this is the first post, I have nothing to discuss. So, I'm out...for now.

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